My House Within
I have been reflecting on my inner strength lately because I just closed the door on the month of September, the month of my daughter’s angelversary. She left this world ten years ago after a lifelong battle with pediatric liver disease.
She is my teacher, and my angel on my spirit team. I learned so many life lessons from my experience as her mother. I have also experienced years of pain and heartache that have at times left me immobilized and numb.
My guides teach me about building my inner strength so I can be what I need to deal with the challenges in my life. My Guides teach me the importance of connecting to this inner presence, creating it like a house within where I can go and find solace and support.
Over the last few years, guidance has become more focused with message after message encouraging me to speak about my house within. When I close my eyes and let my mind wander, I guide it to my place inside where I find what has become familiar to me - my routine. Sitting in silence. Lighting an incense. Soft soothing music. Here I can relax. I can breathe. I feel space around me and listen.
At first listening was painful because all I could hear was manic screaming about how terrible of an idea it is to sit still. I was warned my ego would freak out. I reminded myself I am okay. Breathe. Stay steady and true with my exercise a little bit every day and my mind will calm down. It did.
Consistency has been a key component. The other key component has been silence. In my silence, I discovered how I bully myself. I discovered my silent tears I was ignoring. I discovered an inner sanctuary. I discovered a subtle, gentle presence of me.
As I look back over all the years, this quiet place has always been inside. I was too distracted, distrusting and over-functioning. As I have aged, I tired and my tiredness has slowed me down enough to sit and listen. I wish I listened sooner. There has always been an excuse to keep going and doing, not stopping and being. I am grateful I finally surrendered.
As we age, encounter terrible life challenges, pain and heartache, that is when we turn inward and discover what has always been there. Maybe this is all part of the human condition or part of societal expectations that keep us looking outside for happiness instead of inside.
Whatever the reason, I am grateful.
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