Practicing

Last week was full of doctors’ appointments. I don’t like focusing on my body. I’d rather feel and sense life through my heart’s eyes.

For my heart monitors the beat of my inner truth. If there were colors on words, angry red was flitting around with streaks of yellow fear as I advocated in a compromised medical system. My breath brings back a beautiful blue as I consciously breathe in.

I don’t fit in the system any more. I maintain my open mind but shut my heart. I hear more than people say, and I see more than people intend to show.

I am more than my body and I have a body.

It’s a strange journey maneuvering my humanness in my spiritual world.

How do I manage to make sense of my experiences?

I know the power of my mind and yet am influenced by fear.

I am immensely patient and witness my lack of it out in the world.

My body tightens up when I don’t stretch.

My mind boxes in when I don’t breathe in peace.

A constant balancing act in a three-ring circus.

I yearn for comfort back in my heart.

With space and intention, I find my comfort zone.

I practice acceptance living in an aging body.

I practice presence and self-compassion.

Practice is my action of choice in a dysfunctional world.

I am a spiritual being in a human body.

Being Here by Mark Nepo

Transcending down into

the ground of things is akin

to sweeping the leaves that

cover a path. There will always

be more leaves. And the heart

of the journey, the heart of our

own awakening, is to discover for

ourselves that the leaves are not

the ground, and that sweeping

them aside will reveal a path,

and finally, that to fully live,

we must take the path and

keep sweeping it.

Participants’ Reflections:

• Thank you. It is strange to be between worlds. We get so used to the world we live in and we think it’s real. And then something changes, and we are in a whole new world. That’s what you are talking about. To detach from all these worlds because the only true world for a person is what is inside them. That’s what’s real. The other day, I got into a really bad mood, and I don’t do that. I’ve trained my mind for the last 30 years to not get into a bad mood. I realized I picked up someone else’s bad mood. So I’m in a whole new world of picking up other people’s emotions. It’s scaring me. I’ve had glimpses of this through the years. I could not tell what was happening. It was scary. Thank you for the reminder. I’ve also felt judged for things I’m doing. Which is the same idea. In reality, what matters is being in my own world and detaching from everything else, even other emotions I pick up. Thank you for the reminder.

• I found the reading about paths incredibly moving. I have done so much more walking in nature in the last year. I marvel, particularly on a new path, and when I look ahead, it appears the path is coming to an end. But it is going to one side or the other. And there are amazing things I never thought there. I’ve taken to marking some unmarked paths for others. It’s like so many metaphors you have exposed us to, like doors and gateways. Everything I look at now I see in a different light than I did before.

• You said many interesting things this morning. Among them how tight your body stays unless you stretch, and how tight your heart stays unless you breathe. I think I am learning to do both of those things within the framework of this group. I thank you for that. Yesterday, someone said ‘they are learning to hold things more lightly.’ That is so helpful. They can still be deep, but to let go of the clenching of them. It’s a wonderful thing to learn to do.

• First, thank you to all of you. After reading yesterday’s blog and what you read today, I feel so much braver these days from listening to all of you. Sometimes I shock myself and scare myself having thoughts and taking actions I might not have had a few months ago. Thank you for that. I also get angry when I have to go in the medical world. Since the pandemic, I’ve found online Qi Jong classes. I just wonder what our medical system would be like if we were all taught from an early age that we have this power to heal ourselves and make ourselves better. I think we wouldn’t be as angry at our medical system. Thank you all.

• Thank you. Thank you for yesterday’s blog. Your vulnerability helps me so much. Sometimes I’ve felt abnormal, or I have shame around something, and it helps to hear you share. Thank you for that. And the medical world, I’ve avoided it for some time. Covid has made it worse. I’m scared to go into medical places especially because I can’t get vaccinated. I have so much angst around the medical world and I have medical trauma with my family member. I know there are better ways to do things. It’s a difficult system to be in.

• Thank you all for the authenticity. I can identify with so much. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. He wanted to prescribe something and then something else for the side effects. I didn’t want to do that. I’ve tried alternative solutions. I’m searching. It’s a difficult path. In terms of taking on other people’s emotions, I do that too. From childhood, I’ve felt I’ve had to make things better for people. I heard a teenager say ‘when I learned your stuff is your stuff and not my stuff, it was a huge awakening.’ It sounds so simple. And it’s true. I don’t have to take on other people’s feelings. I slip into it though. I have the right to be peaceful even though the world and my workplace is a whirling dervish. It was good to hear everyone share.

• We practice. I keep giving myself permission to practice because it takes a while. I used to say ‘I try.’ But now I use the word practice. It means I’m doing it. Trying is implying it is out there and I can’t get there.

• Thank you. I learn so much here from your courage and continual growth. Yesterday, I went someplace to paint. It was wonderful. It was crowded so I didn’t stay long. It felt so good to be out there seeing those colors. It’s where I belong. In the Daily Om, they said ‘you don’t have a soul, you are a soul, you have a body.’ That’s been going through my mind a lot and I keep going back to that. It’s a great reminder as life happens.

• Thank you. Thank you for sharing your hearts. Thank you for sharing your space. In the morning preparing to write, I always doubt I have something to share. I’ve learned to listen and trust my process. I don’t run away. I am grateful I have the willingness to share my inward world with you because it brings people’s hearts closer to me. That’s where I find my truth. Thank you for having that awareness as well. I hope you all have a gentle day.